


Fragile Lives

by afewreelthoughts



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Anal Sex, Braille, Disability, M/M, Oral Sex, Physical Disability, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-24
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-03-14 22:56:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3428630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afewreelthoughts/pseuds/afewreelthoughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brief sketches of Thomas and Edward's life together.  A variety of themes and situations.  Ratings vary from chapter to chapter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the Hospital Garden

"We should wait to start until Nurse Crawley arrives," Thomas said.

Edward stayed sitting on the chair in the garden next to the hospital.

"It’s a bright day outside, isn’t it, Barrow?" Edward asked, tilting his nose up to the sky.

"Yes, Lieutenant.  You’re very right."

"I try," Edward said.

"I will miss you," Thomas said.

"Miss me?" Edward’s brow contracted.  "Am I going somewhere?"

Thomas bit his lip.  ”Nothing.  Just I know you’ll eventually have to go home, and when that time comes… I will miss you.”

Edward held out his hand.  Thomas knelt in front of him and took it.

"I don’t want to leave…" Edward whispered. "I…" His voice grew soft as a breeze, and Thomas leaned closer to hear him.

"Would you say that again, Lieutenant?  Sir?"

"I… I never want to leave," Edward whispered, and then he rested his forehead against Thomas’s.

Thomas willed his pulse to still.  Surely Edward could hear it.  

They breathed each other’s air for a moment, before Sybil called out across the garden, "Lieutenant Courtenay?"

Thomas stood and pulled away from him immediately.

 ”Are you ready to practice?” Sybil asked, standing in front of Thomas.  She was doing her best not to look shocked.

Edward stood and took Thomas’s hand.  ”Yes.  Yes, I am.”


	2. In the Dark Evening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger-warning for alcohol abuse.

Edward grew languid after his third drink, the sharp lines of his body dissolving into curves in Thomas’s lap. Thomas should have reminded him that they were in public, gently pushed him away to an appropriate distance, and pretended that he was insulted by the intimacy, but he didn’t have the heart to. Edward held himself with such unnatural stiffness every sober moment of every day, so scared of stepping out of line, of showing the least weakness or uncertainty, even when he and Thomas were in bed alone. Thomas had spent endless nights massaging the knots in Edward’s back, but they returned every morning. Thomas had thought them immovable, but it seemed alcohol could give Edward pleasure and security in a way even he could not.

"Your hair is very soft," Edward said, pushing his nose into the side of Thomas’s head.

His nose tickled Thomas’s ear. Thomas laughed. “You, my friend, are drunk.” He looped an arm around Edward’s pliant waist.

"I noticed," Edward said. "I am very drunk. I like it." He reached towards his drink, his fifth of the night.

"Mind sharing with me?" Thomas asked, pulling it out of Edward’s hand. "I haven’t had much all night, what with looking after you."

Edward’s face fell, and he looked so sad that Thomas wrapped his fingers around the glass again. “Just playing with you,” Thomas said.


	3. In the Late Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated M.

Edward woke to warm light bathing his face.  It was early winter here at his family’s farm, and he stretched, soaking up the rare warmth.  This morning he and Thomas were not needed anywhere until luncheon, and he would enjoy being a lie-a-bed.  He reached out to Thomas, wrapped an arm around his chest, and smiled to himself.  Edward smiled more often than others thought, mostly because, when they saw his smiles, they made noises of awe and pity.  “It’s so good to see that you’re happy, despite everything, Edward!  Isn’t it remarkable?”  Even Thomas made those noises sometimes, though he never meant anything by it, Edward knew. Edward also could not help but worry that any smiles he gave Thomas alone would lead others to suspect that he and his new friend shared more than secrets. So he kept his happiness to himself.

Edward nestled his head on Thomas’s shoulder.

"G’mornin’," Thomas said, one hand stroking Edward’s cheek.

"Good morning yourself," Edward said and smiled into Thomas’s neck.  "You know… we have nowhere to be before luncheon…"

"Really?" Thomas asked.  "I hadn’t remembered."

"Course you did, you bugger."

Thomas kissed Edward’s nose.  “You know me too well.”

Edward ran his hands down Thomas’s sides and bit his lip.  “Then I guess I know how you’d like to spend the morning?”

Thomas stretched out on top of Edward and pulled the bedsheets above both of them. Edward wrapped his arms around Thomas, and pulled him close for a kiss.  Thomas didn’t like lying down on top of Edward, something about how “fragile” Edward was supposed to be.

"I’m not too… heavy on you?"  Thomas asked.  He squirmed, trying to prop himself on his elbows again.  

Edward knew he was too thin and looked breakable, but he didn’t feel like it, and not now of all times.  “No.”  He sighed in pleasure as Thomas kissed his neck.

It occurred then to Edward that perhaps Thomas was more nervous about his own body than Edward’s.  The thought made Edward smile again and open his mouth for a deep kiss.  Their mouths moved against each other until Thomas pulled away.  Edward decided to let Thomas win.  This time.  He wouldn’t make a fuss, even if his lover… his friend…?  Even if Thomas saw him as some poor, fragile - 

Edward yelped when Thomas pulled up the hem of his nightshirt.

"You look delicious," Thomas said.

Edward was ashamed that he giggled at that.  “Oh, stop it, Thomas, you…” but his words dissolved as Thomas’s mouth began wreaking havoc beneath his nightshirt.  His face grew redder and redder as Thomas tickled and teased.

"Thomas!  Thomas!  Stop teasing, will you?" Edward said, giggling.  He hoped he’d someday have the guts to say what he meant:  _Tease me more._

"Alright," Thomas said, "I’ll stop teasing."  So Thomas took Edward into his mouth and bobbed between his legs until Edward began to beg.

"Stop… please… not now…" 

Thomas came up for air.  “You told me to stop teasing, so I stopped.”

They kissed again, and Thomas reached to the bedside table for the small jar of petroleum jelly they kept in its top drawer.  The minutes melted away as Thomas’s fingers readied them, and Thomas entered Edward gently.  Thomas’s arms shook with the effort of holding himself up.

"I’m not weak, Thomas," Edward said, rubbing his lover’s arms.  "I don’t want you to worry that you will hurt me.  Please."

So Thomas sank onto him, and they rocked together until they were crying out into each other’s hair.

Edward sank back to the pillows with a smile on his face.

"What?" Thomas asked.  "What is it?"

"Do you think it is strange that I am happy, Thomas?  Really?"

Thomas stroked Edward’s hair and kissed his lips gently.  ”No.  No, I don’t.”


	4. In the Lamplight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to krimsnkrams.

“No, no thank you,” Edward said to the young woman as he leaned against the wall of the ballroom.

The woman in blue smiled at Edward and turned back into the swarm of wealthy dancers.

“This is the third invitation you’ve refused.”  Thomas leaned close to Edward and took his arm. “Turn away another pretty girl, and people will talk,” he said.

“I wish they would leave me alone.  It’s clear I can’t dance.”  Edward said.

“Why’d you think you can’t dance?” Thomas asked.

“Please don’t do this, Thomas,” Edward said.

“Why’d we come to London for the season, if you don’t want  - ?”  

Edward pulled away.

Thomas sighed and leaned on the wall next to him.  He watched the couples circle the dance floor and couldn’t help but feel a thrill.  As Edward’s close companion and confidante, Thomas now ran in circles that he only dreamed about before the war, going to parties that he’d watched from a distance, or from behind a footman’s uniform, when he was with Philip.  Edward introduced Thomas as “a friend from the war,” and always stood by him the entire night. He could not see the looks of disdain when Thomas opened his mouth to speak.  Thomas sometimes thought it might be better if Edward were more conscious that the differences between them really did matter.  If not to him, at least to others.

"Would you mind if I danced?” Thomas asked.

Edward’s back straightened and the corners of his lips turned down. “Not at all.”

“You’re lying.”

Edward rubbed the top of his cane and twirled it slowly between his fingers. His brows knotted together.  “We can leave, if you like, Thomas.”

Thomas took Edward’s hand and led him through the hallway, towards the front door of the London mansion of Edward’s parents’ friends’ acquaintances.

“Leaving so soon, Eddie?” a voice called from the crowd spilling out of the ballroom.  Edward’s brother Jack had a tumbler of whiskey in one hand. His words sounded like taunting.

“You’re drunk, Jack,” Edward told him.

Jack looked wounded, his big blue eyes sad under the brilliant electric lights.   Even his perfect hair seemed to droop.  “Eddie…”

“Sorry, we’ve got somewhere else to be,” Thomas said, pulling Edward along after him.

“He’s acting stupid,” Edward said, as Thomas handed him his coat and top hat. “He knows he’s handsome enough to get what he wants and doesn’t seem to think much past that.”  

Edward was out of the door before Thomas had put on his own coat, and Thomas had to practically run to catch up with him. “Is this why we’ve run around going to a party every night?  To compete with your brother, Jack?”

Edward stopped.  He ground his cane into the pavement.  “You’re right.  It’s silly,” he said.  ”I couldn’t compete with him.  Not possibly.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Unless he’s grown fat and ugly… but I’m sure he could pull off a fat look if he wanted to.”

“Stop it, Edward,” Thomas said, taking him by the hands.

They were standing beneath a street lamp a block away from the mansion, in an alley slick with rainwater, dark and shiny as patent-leather.

“Well, I’ve stopped,” Edward said.

“Good.”

“Are we alone?”  Edward leaned close to Thomas.

“Yes,” Thomas said.  “I think so.”

“We…”  Thomas could feel Edward’s breath on his cheek as he spoke.  “We should still wait to get home before, before…”

Thomas nodded.  “Mm hm.”

“Could we just stay here a moment?”

Thomas put an arm around Edward’s shoulders.  “Of course.”

After a minute, Edward wrapped his left arm around Thomas’s waist.  “You said you wanted to dance.  You meant it.  I’m sorry for stopping you back there.”  He wet his lips.  “We could dance now, if you’d like.”

Thomas took Edward’s cane and leaned it against the dark building that loomed above the lamppost.  “You lead.  I’ll follow.”

Their legs pressed together as Edward led him in the steps of a gentle waltz. They circled the lamppost, shoes squeaking on the damp cobblestones.

“You’re a lovely dancer,” Thomas said.

Edward said nothing, but he squeezed Thomas’s hand tight.

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m much handsomer than Jack,” Thomas said, smiling to himself.

“I already knew that,” Edward said.

“And so are you.”

Edward said nothing to that, only continued to waltz with Thomas in the London lamplight.


	5. In the Rough Pages

“But I’m telling you I can’t read this bloody rubbish!” Edward snapped irritably, tossing the page off the bed and turning away from Thomas.

Thomas simply lay next to him on the bed, waiting as the seconds ticked over slowly, before replying, “Just try it once more.  All right?”

Edward stayed silent, curled in on himself.  Thomas snaked one arm around his waist.  ”Try it just once more… for me?”

"You said that five times ago! ‘Try it once more, Edward.’ ‘Just once more, Edward.’ ‘You’re doing splendidly, Edward!’"

"You are," Thomas said and kissed his neck. "Doing splendidly."

"I’m not!" Edward whined and squirmed.  "Don’t lie to me."

"How d’ya know I’m lying?" Thomas teased.

"Because I’ve done nothing!"

"You get points for trying," Thomas said, and with a little coaxing, eased Edward onto his back.

"That’s not the same as doing splendidly," Edward said like he had a point.  Thomas had to admit that he did have a point.  He kissed his lips gently.

"Please don’t distract me," Edward said.

Thomas kissed him again.

"You’re trying to distract me, Thomas.  Stop," he said and pouted.

"And what…" Thomas kissed his cheek.  "Am I…" He kissed his earlobe.  "…distracting…"  Then his neck.  "…you from?"

"Distracting me from my failure."

"It’s not failure if you’re still trying, Edward."

Edward traced the outline of Thomas's face, then his eyes, nose, and mouth.  "Could you get the book, Thomas?"

Thomas pushed himself off of their bed, and walked to the other side of the room, where Edward had thrown the book.  He picked it up and laid it on Edward's lap.

Edward’s fingers drifted to the cover of the book.  As Thomas settled once again at his side, he could not take his eyes off of Edward's hands, handling the book with the utmost reverence.  Edward opened the cover and touched the first page.  He closed his eyes and parted his lips in concentration.

"Oooo… Once….?  Once?"

"Yes," Thomas said and wrapped his arms around Edward’s waist.

“Is it ‘Once upon a time’?” Edward asked. “You’ve given me a fairytale, haven’t you, Thomas?”

“I didn’t choose it.  The book came recommended.”  Thomas nuzzled Edward’s hair.

“Which fairytale is it?”

“I’m not telling you," Thomas said.


	6. In the Library

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written for the prompt "sorry I ended up falling for you"

Thomas poured tea for them both in the library at Downton.

“I can do that myself, you know,” Edward said.

“You’ll burn yourself, dear,” Thomas said.  “And there’s plenty of time for you to do that later.” 

Edward smiled.  Thomas could tell that his wrists itched, the way he rubbed them against his legs. 

Thomas let him take care of the sugar and milk himself - no danger there but a spill - and it would do Edward good not to be coddled.  The nurses at the convalescent home here at Downton did not agree, and went out of their way to bathe, dress, and generally cater to Edward’s every need, no matter whether or not he wanted them to.  All because he had slit his wrists.  Thomas supposed it made a kind of sense, but he did not think it helped him at all.

Two soldiers started a game of ping-pong in the center of the library.  The room had been Thomas and Edward’s all morning.  Thomas sighed and thought about how this must annoy Lord Grantham far more than it annoyed him now.  The thought was comforting.

“Are you all right, Thomas?”

“Woulda been nice to be alone a little longer,” Thomas muttered.  

Edward reached out to take his hand, and he knocked over his cup of tea.  “Damn.”

Thomas mopped up the spill from the table and the floor.  Then he handed Edward the napkin to clean up the front of his trousers.  

“Don’t worry about it,” Thomas said.

“That’s what you always say.”

“Because it’s true.”

Edward smiled.  “Don’t you have somewhere to be, Sergeant Barrow?”

“Not for another hour.”

“What shall we do?  Observe the ping-pong game?”

The little white ball flew off the table and struck the back of Lord Grantham’s head, where he was sitting reading the newspaper.

“What the - ” he exclaimed and stood up.

The soldiers looked sheepish, until he turned around and they resumed their game.

Thomas snorted.  Lord Grantham half-turned his head again, and Thomas stopped.

“What happened?” Edward asked.

“The ball hit Lord Grantham in the head.  God, I live for moments like this.”

Edward nodded.

“It was hilarious,” Thomas assured him.

Edward only nodded again.

“No one seems to be winning,” Thomas said.  “At the ping-pong game.  I doubt they’re even keeping score.”

“I’m sorry,” Edward said suddenly.

“I know,” said Thomas.  He reached across the table to hold Edward’s hand, if only to keep him from itching at his scars.  “I know."


	7. By the Fireside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> nsfw

Thomas didn’t like that Edward had started going to Braille classes alone. Something would go wrong - it had to - if Thomas let Edward out of his sight for an entire day.  Monday came and went without incident.  But Tuesday morning, when he heard someone at the door, Thomas raced to open it in just his pajamas, certain it was a messenger with terrible news.

When he opened the door, Edward stumbled forward, knocking into him.  “Thomas?  What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Thomas said, straightening his back and righting them both.  

“Classes were cancelled,” Edward said.  He unbuttoned his jacket, and Thomas took it from him before he could hang it on the hook by the door.

“Why didn’t you call?” Thomas asked.

“Because I wanted to get home on my own.”  There was an edge to his voice that Thomas knew all too well.

Thomas followed him to the parlor, where Edward sat on the floor in front of the fire.

“Could I get you a cup of tea?” Thomas asked.

“Why do you worry about me so much?”

“Because I like to.”  Thomas leaned down and kissed Edward on the cheek.

Edward ran a hand through Thomas’s hair, still mussed from sleep.  “I’m not going to break, you know.”

Thomas wanted to say that he did not know that, but then Edward was pulling him down for a kiss.  Thomas knelt on the floor beside him to kiss him back.

“We have the morning free, correct?” Edward said in between kisses.

“We do.”

“Thomas, do you want…” Edward drifted off.  “You know what I mean…?”

Thomas and Edward rarely spoke in the bedroom, which Thomas found to be a wasted opportunity, of course, because they were both so clever, but every time Edward pulled off his clothes and put his mouth on Thomas’s skin, he was lost for words.  Perhaps this was an opportunity he should take advantage of, beginning the intimacy with words.

“No, I don’t think I do,” Thomas said, teasing.

“To have sex.”

“That’s a prosaic way of putting it.”

Edward’s lips quirked. “Make love?  Fuck?  Make the beast with two backs?  Sodomize?” he said.  

To Thomas’s shock, Edward was not blushing.  Thomas felt he might be.  

Thomas cleared his throat.  “We couldn’t both sodomize.  Not at once, at any rate.”

“Would you let me?” Edward asked, almost politely.  

“You haven’t… wanted to before.”

Edward reached out and grasped Thomas’s shoulders tight.  “I’d like you to see me in control for once.”

“Oh.”  Thomas felt a jolt between his legs.  “Well when you say it like that…”

Edward kissed him, and Thomas eased them both to the soft carpet.  Clothes came off haphazardly, and Thomas made sure none of them ended up in the fire.  

“What do you like?” Edward asked, running his hands down Thomas’s bare chest.

“You know what I like.”

The fire crackled.  Thomas was regretting the dirty talk.  The idea of obscenities falling from Edward’s mouth had been tantalizing, but in order to make this work, he would have to participate as well.  

“You could remind me,” Edward said.  He was shaking.

“You don’t have to do this,” Thomas said.

“Yes, I do.”  Edward lifted himself up on his hands, but one hand caught on Thomas’s slippery silk shirt, and he came crashing back down.

“Give me a minute,” Thomas said.  He walked naked through their apartment to the bathroom, where he did everything necessary to prepare for the kind of sex Edward said he wanted.  On his way back he grabbed a small bottle of petrol jelly and a blanket from their bed.   He made a small nest before the fire with the blanket and dipped Edward’s fingers into the jar.  

Edward made a face, but he did not pull his hand away.  “Lie on your back,” he said.  

Thomas obeyed.

Edward ran his other hand up Thomas’s leg until it reached his hip.  Then Thomas felt one wet finger teasing at his entrance.  

“Do you like that?”

“Yes.”

The finger slipped easily inside.  “It’s… tight,” Edward said.

Thomas’s cock twitched.  “I’ve not done this in a long time.”

“Am I doing it right?” Edward said, his eyebrows knitting, voice suddenly high-pitched and thin.

“Yes.  You are.  Slow and gentle is good to start off with.”

The first finger was followed by a second and a third.  Edward stopped teasing and began thrusting them, his other hand balanced on Thomas’s stomach, feeling how his muscles tensed and relaxed under his ministrations.  Then the hand moved down to grip Thomas’s cock.

“Bloody…” Air escaped Thomas’s mouth, making almost no sound whatsoever.

“What was that?” Edward said.

“I said bloody hell.”

Edward smiled and started stroking his cock.  “Ya can’t do that,” Thomas said.

“Why not?”

“I’ll come too soon.”

“Think you’re ready?”

“Yes.”

Thomas was used to being on the other side of this equation, the one asking the questions, usually brief, technical ones, attune to Edward’s every sound and movement to see if he was not going too far.  

Thomas leaned back and spread his legs as Edward guided himself to his entrance.  Edward pushed forward slowly, holding himself up on his elbows.  He was shaking again.

“Ya all right?” Thomas asked.

“Bloody hell.”

Thomas felt on the edge of pain, worried that if Edward moved, he could not handle it.  But they stayed still, both sweating and shaking, until the pressure eased.  

“Go ahead,” Thomas said.

When Edward moved, Thomas felt pleasure ripple through him.  He bit his lip to keep the words from spilling out, worried what they might be.  Edward did no such thing.  A steady stream of curses, endearments, and obscenities fell from his lips as Thomas imagined they would, and Thomas took himself in hand, stroking in time with the thrusts.

“Is this… good?” Edward said.

“Harder,” Thomas said.

“You want it harder, sweetheart?” Edward grinned.  He braced himself on his hands and slammed in.

Thomas’s hand sped up.  Edward thrust three more times, hard, and Thomas came with his lover’s name on his lips.  Edward thrust twice more and followed him.  

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is a collection of one-shots from prompts I've received on tumblr. Chapters will be added as I write them. If you have any particular situation or theme you would like me to explore with this pairing, leave a comment below!


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